The Journey Of A Sexy Single Gal

If I knew then what I know now I wonder how different my life would be. When I was younger, I was in my masculine all the time, and I chased after men actively pursuing them, Trying to get them into bed quickly, so that I could control them. It never worked. They always left. In doing that, I did not give them a chance to actively pursue me. I did not want to be responsible for my emotions and feelings. I was in a short marriage to a man who I had tricked myself into being in love with him. I didn't know what love was, and I did not know until I was going through my divorce what the feeling of being in love was. A couple months after my separation at 21 years old (I am 63 now), I met my first love. After my marriage, I did not trust my emotions, and so for many years I shut down not allowing myself to feel. I never said I love you out loud to my first love, so for many many years, I was in my head until I met my second love. It was then that I discovered the feeling of saying I love you out loud. It felt like air was finallly flowing through my heart. Although the relationship did not work out, I felt like I had finally experienced the true total essence of being in love.

These days and for quite a long time now, I have been giving my love life and my sex life to God and asking for divine order in my love life and sex life. Feeling heart connected while making love is a fabulous feeling, so I prefer to wait until I feel that heart connection. If a man comes to me and shows me that he wants to be with me, be around me and spend time with me, it feels incredible. I have experienced alot of rejection in my past, so the experience of someone actually wanting to spend time with me feels amazing. When I was younger, I chased men, because of all the rejection I experienced as a child. My biological father disappeared when I was 2, and I also didn't feel the nurturing and love from my mom. Her way of loving me was to control me. The kids also made fun of me in school.. I didn't want to be abandoned, and so I did the pursuing. Now I realize I was in my masculine. I have to catch myself at times, because I do not want to do the pursuing ever again. I want to experience that incredible feeling of feeliing wanted. Recently, I have been experiencing  that feeling of being wanted and desired by a man I feel a soul filled friendship connection with, and I like it. I am just letting us BE and evolve into what is meant to be. I am declaring divine in general for my love, sex and romantic life. I do not believe in controlling any income with a man.  I am loving the experience of seeing some  major shifts within myself.  I am in a private facebook book club where we all read and working through the book "Calling In The One".  I have also had six sessions with Joanna Kennedy, an awesome tantra, love, sex & relationship coach. As I am writing this, I am thinking WOW. I didn't realize how much I shifted until just this second. I do believe I have become more emotionally available.

 Thank you God.